Note to Explorers: be prepared for a wild ride when you hitch your star to a fellow Explorer! Ultimately, Fisher's investigation into the complex nature of romance and attachment leads to astonishing new insights into the essence of dating, love, and marriage. Based on entirely new research—including a detailed questionnaire completed by five million people in thirty-three countries— Why Him? Apple Books Preview. Publisher Description. Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice.
Why Her? You may already have your dream lover, but you'll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love. Oneworld Publications. Search: Search. Why Him? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love. Based on Dr Fisher's groundbreaking personality type study, in which she analyzed the personalities of more than 28, match. Buy from Amazon UK. This book aims to help people find their correct partner for love and marriage-the brain chemistry for romantic love.
It centres around the supposition that there are four basic personality types, controlled by the dominant chemical element in the body. She however further reminds us that ones person This book aims to help people find their correct partner for love and marriage-the brain chemistry for romantic love. She however further reminds us that ones personality is more than biology alone. It is made up of one's character which stems from experience and temperament which stems from ones biological make up and chemistry.
Character traits being shaped by our parents interests and values. Ones temperament , which is determined by biology, on the other hand is determined by biology and the author quotes Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset who puts it 'I am plus my circumstances' Temperament being the 'I am' and which is the very foundation of who we basically are. Our biological nature whispers continually within us to influence who we love' continues the author The four personality types are Explorers whose basic chemical element is dopamine, and who seek adventure and sensation , are risk takers, are impulsive and curious.
And hate the idea of 'being tamed' they crave adventure They tend to be more liberal in their political outlook than the other personality types. Explorers trust their impulses. As the author puts it 'Explorers drink life' A famous person who the author gives an example of as an Explorer is Helen Keller.
The are cautious but not fearful, conscientious , and crave belonging. They are social, clam and beneficent. They tend in their political views to be conservative and towards traditional religion. Builders trust their values. As the author puts it builders are the 'pillars of society' A famous person who the author gives an example of as a Builder is George Washington. The Director is driven by the chemical testosterone and is a born leader.
They have great social skills and often have good musical and athletic ability. Generally they despise political and social correctness. They are analytical, logical and direct, tough minded, decisive, exacting and sceptical.
Directors trust their logic. As the author puts it directors 'shoot for the stars' A famous person who the author gives an example of a Director is Albert Einstein The Negotiator whose dominant chemical is Estrogen are intuitive, imaginative, tolerant and altruistic.
They are also agreeable and people's people and strive to please. They are also emotionally expressive. As the author puts it what negotiators achieve with their broad gaze outward and their penetrating search within is wisdom. A famous person who the author gives an example of a Negotiator is Charles Darwin. The author then go's on to describe how explorers need play mates, builders need help mates, directors need mind mates and negotiators need soul mates.
From there the author describes how we exchange needs and provide roles. She describes how we build love maps borrowing the concept from psychologist Marcel Zentner who calls this complex psychological chart your 'Ideal Mate personality concept'.
She then describes how we love and analyses the matches between the different personality types, who is attracted to whom and how. How the relationships between these types work out and their sustainability. Lastly the author advises the reader on how to put chemistry to work. She again has sections on advice for each of the four personality types.
As well as describing such mechanics in romance as face talk and handicapping and the realities of such things as kissing and casual sex. It's okay— While Helen Fischer's categorization of people's personalities into four types based on neurotransmitters and hormones is interesting, it ultimately succumbs to simplification, though to her credit she does admit the complexity of personalities by qualifying her statements and presenting other factors influencing your personality.
The simplification, however, works sometimes though I'm not sure if it's just theory-induced blindness coupled with confirmation bias , and you realize ther It's okay— While Helen Fischer's categorization of people's personalities into four types based on neurotransmitters and hormones is interesting, it ultimately succumbs to simplification, though to her credit she does admit the complexity of personalities by qualifying her statements and presenting other factors influencing your personality.
The simplification, however, works sometimes though I'm not sure if it's just theory-induced blindness coupled with confirmation bias , and you realize there are people out there who seem to be more prone to one type than the others. Besides, it's kind of fun to look at your behaviors based on your biochemistry while keeping in mind the complexity of the subject at hand. One complaint I have about this book is that the first half is engaging and informative—characterization of each type and their dating style—and then the second half sort of becomes a bunch of generic "dating tips" that weren't all that informative or illuminating.
I for one was curious how some people can be in love after 20 years of marriage, how you can retain the flame, etc. Fun read, but ultimately not satisfying. Feb 17, Kent rated it really liked it. While "Why Him? In this respect, it is an engaging read. The book begins with a brief personality test and then introduces the reader to the four primary personality types: Explorer, Builder, Director, and Negotiator. This structure allows the reader to compare their own experience with that of each arche While "Why Him?
This structure allows the reader to compare their own experience with that of each archetype. And, in many instances I found myself nodding in understanding with the descriptions, habits and traits of each type. Further, expect a bit of a commercial for the author's other professional projects. This book won't tell you how to find love - what book ever could?
But if you are interested in learning more about the physiology of your personality, why you react to some people the way you do, "Why Him? Apr 28, Andy Bigley rated it it was amazing. The data and relationship insight Fisher provides is nothing short of evolutionary. The book is my 'gateway drug' into a hunger for deeper understanding of what makes us all tick, but more importantly, how we synchronize with a partner.
The science that backs Fisher's findings avoids the purely feel-good but ultimately hollow and baseless recreational reading that often passes for relationship 'advice. In short, the book should be required reading for everyone who is serious about finding a life-long partner who will accompany them through a mixture of happiness, compassion, and respect.
Dec 14, Leslie rated it it was amazing. A must for anyone interested in self-understanding and a deeper understanding of those around you, and your relationships.
I resonated with her personality categories, now having a more nuanced understanding of the people in my life, past and present, and how our interactions have been influenced by our respective types and traits. I experienced a significant gain in insight, which is always quite valuable and so fascinating. Shelves: the-non-fiction-shelf , skimmed.
I'm typing this review as a year-old. A really klutzy, naive, childish, immature year-old. Anyway, I've had to deal with crushes and love in the past 3 years and I've made so many huge mistakes, but I think I can say that I do know what love is.
Sort of. A little bit. First of all, it's kind of interesting how there's a book about such a thing because love is so freakis I'm typing this review as a year-old. First of all, it's kind of interesting how there's a book about such a thing because love is so freakishly complicated to understand.
It makes people happy, it makes people suffer, there's all sorts of different kinds, it creates all this drama, it can mess up someone's mind, it can drive people crazy, and it can hope of all things.
How on earth can ONE emotion do all that? It's probably because it's an emotion that needs another person. If you've spent your whole entire life trapped inside a room without anyone else, completely alone, you don't have anyone else to love. I think that's why love is so complicated to understand. But after reading well, I sort of. It's about attraction. Oh yes, the rules of attraction.
DO NOT mistaken attraction for love. Do you understand, my fellow review readers? Because of personality, physical traits and looks, e h- t i- c uh. LOVE: An emotion that hopes, needs, wants, endures, protects, and never forgets no matter what someone's physical traits or thoughts are.
If you're attracted by looks, you DON'T love them. Because what happens if a horse runs over that person's face over and over and over, and they no longer look the way that attracted you. Will you still be attracted to them? LOVE will love, no matter how many times their face gets run over by a horse! BUT, attraction is a start. If you're attracted to someone, you'll approach them. You'll get to know them better.
Become friends, then more than friends. Then you'll confess your love and then get married and love and live happily ever after! Well, some relationships work like that. Let's call him Bob. Bob and I became pretty close friends. Not Bob! But I kept thinking, "If the guy I liked had the personality of Bob, or was as good a friend as Bob was, he'd definitely be my dream guy.
That's when. THIS love towards Bob took ages to develop. HE was attracted to me, so he started being extremely nice and kind to me. I think I loved him. Because of my interests and what I had in common with him. I liked him because he was so nice to me. But he was NOT as nice as I thought he was. We're still friends but I don't look at him in that way anymore. THIS love happened within two weeks. Three weeks, maybe. It was very fast. See the difference?
Anyway yeah. My point: DO. So this book gets three sparkly sparkly stars. It must have taken time and effort, and it was pretty interesting for me to read.
It's also cool how she came up with a really interesting test to find your personality type and such. And her research makes A LOT of sense. Explorers those who love to experience new things are attracted to other explorers.
Builders those who are comfortable with routine and traditions are attracted to other builders. Directors those who are strong with competition and logic are attracted to negotiators. Negotiators those who look at both good and bad conclusions of a problem are attracted to directors. I think that's all true.
People who like to experience new things are attracted to other people who also like to experience new things. Traditional people are attracted to other traditional people.
The tough-headed are attracted to the tender-hearted. It makes sense. I mean I know a bunch of tough-headed people, and if they ever had to deal with other tough-headed people, they'd butt heads like a pair of super grouchy bulls.
But I think tough-headed people would protect the tender-hearted, and the tender-hearted would comfort the tough-headed. I've been watching and reading too much romance movies and cartoons, but I think it's all true. There are 6 billion people on this planet. There are so many different personalities and possibilities.
There's a bit of each personality type in everyone, and even if some personalities dominate over others, things work out in all sorts of unexpected ways. There is no one else exactly like me. If I'm an explorer and I'm attracted to other explorers, there's no other explorer that's exactly like me. There's no one else that will agree with me completely on everything. If I'm a negotiator and I'm attracted to other directors, there's no way there can be one director that won't drive me crazy at some point in time.
Opposites will most definitely disagree on things. I've heard guys like my dad and my brother and a bunch of my guy friends complain about how complicated and complex girls are. If they're angry and you try to speak to them when they say they want to be left alone, they get angry. If they're angry and you walk away when they say they want to be left alone, they get even MORE angry because they think you're not trying to help them. Either way they get angry. It sucks. And GUYS to me are all jerky or stupid in some way.
Maybe they're shy, or embarrassed, or WEAK, or afraid of reactions. But I as a girl think that guys need to just get the guts to just say what they feel directly. They also do things to girls that they think is for their own good. If a guy thinks he's no good for that girl, he might leave her so she can find someone who's good enough. Don't let some other guy steal her away!
Some guys give up way too easily and it's incredibly irritating. It doesn't matter what personality type they have. You'll probably disagree or argue about something with them every now and then.
I guess the attraction thing AND the point of this book is to find someone who is less likely to disagree and argue with you. I mean if you love somebody, but you guys can disagree on ice cream flavors like if I love chocolate flavored but the guy I like HATES it is that a reason why you should stop loving? Or maybe something more serious, like how to spend money. Maybe you think that you need to spend money on things you NEED over things you want, but the person you love likes to spend money on things that they want.
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