Most often it comes from the ground up, but it can come from any direction. Not just the top down. Need some inspiration, download our free 60—page guide. Click here to get it. Renee Cocchi has 26 years of content development experience. She started her management career by training people to grasp complex corporate concepts.
We'd love to know your thoughts on this article. Share your view and join the conversation below. Your email address will not be published. Why are you allowing the external to affect your internal?
And, when we act in alignment with those values, we satisfy them and therefore experience the positive emotions that come along with living in accordance with those values. This involves shifting from a perspective of allowing the external to affect your internal to one in which you arouse curiosity within regarding the needs and feelings of other people.
When you invoke curiosity, you employ empathy and compassion. These are two core values which can provide you with the leverage you need to return to your own core values and re-instate your control over your own personal emotions and be unfettered by the actions and behaviors of other people who may have annoyed you up to this point. After all, feelings are connected to needs. The end result is that usually there is an unpleasant or unwelcome behavior that accompanies it.
This may be the very thing that we are observing in those who are getting under our skin or bothering us. Try to keep needs as objective as possible. This is where the disconnect happens. If you boil these annoyances down, though, do they have something in common?
If you think about the people who annoy you the most, it might seem like the annoyances are actually born of personal preference or sensitivities. For example, it irks me to no end when someone clips their nails in public. I'm also a germaphobe, and this seems highly unsanitary to me — not to mention, that little clip-clip-clip sound makes me irate enough to shove bamboo shoots under my own fingernails. My husband, however, barely bats an eye at this habit I find so irksome.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are certain annoyances that truly seem universal: think fingernails on a chalkboard or a high-pitched scream. All of these annoyance, whether personal or transcendent, would seem to suggest that it's quite possible the one thing annoying people have in common pertains to sound.
Consider it for a minute. Aren't many of the things you find most annoying based more in the sound than the action? In addition to the aforementioned cracking of knuckles, clipping nails, and scratching a blackboard, some of the sounds that make people annoying are chewing food loudly, whining, heavy breathing, snoring, shrill laughter and the list goes on.
As it turns out, science can explain this. A study from Newcastle University found that certain sounds trigger an exaggerated response in the amygdala — the part of the brain that regulates emotions — as well as the auditory cortex, which processes sound. To examine this link, researchers studied fMRI scans of participants while they listened to 74 different sounds and rated them based on degree of unpleasantness.
Of the sounds, those polled found "knife on a bottle" to be the most unbearable.
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